horrendous
uni is horrendous,its like jumping out of the pithole in jc to this other pithole,
basically i just cnat cope with lit,
i can do all the rest.
but just not lit,
the one thing i enjoyed, is ruined yet again, because of studying
its like,
i used ta LOVE chinese,
eva since the lep days,
i keep a safe distance from it,
and now lit,
i thought studying sth i liked meant increasing my passion for it,
o wells.
now im like half heartedly doing wad im doing
freaking out coz theres so lil time n so much to absorb
and its like
i hardly love the subject anymore
i wish i found my passion in life
or at least something fun to do in uni
but i cant see any till now
n im depressed n emo
but the boyfriend's not here.
n im even more depressed and emo
i wonder wad happened to the pls do well when ure in uni thing
goodness
horrendous i say
rahhhh
1:29 AM
Monday, September 10, 2007
breathe.
i told leelee i cld envision my future,but sumtimes,
just sumtimes i wonder if its fear of the unknown tht has got me clinging onto all things familiar.
i hate my dependency.
and if i break through my mould, i break thru the restraints, out of the comfort zone, wld i see wad i wanted to.
your perception of me binds the possibilities i can be
~my amazing lit lecturer with the most abstract ideas possible
i realised ppl who do lit r emo mamas.
and whos to blame.
as much as i want to run away n do wad i really feel like doing,
reality has got me so grounded tht i cant gather up my guts to leave.
我的寶貝
孤單時有人把你想念
我的寶貝
要你知道你最美
rahhhh
11:38 PM
Sunday, September 09, 2007
i like u just the way u are
rahhhh
11:30 PM
Monday, September 03, 2007
making meaning out of nothingness, emptiness, and bombs
heya.
i miss u.
dun worry ur brain cells away.
u need em after u get back frm brunei.
i like the idea of suntanning whilst reading a book on nothingness, emptiness, secrets and bomb explosions.
and sumtimes i look around ta find,
von playing volleyballl with a grp of ppl hardly known,
ahlian number one n ahbeng number one cuddling in this karma sutra position tht is v close ta me,
couple number one making out in the sea,
couple number two making out in the sea still,
(both couples were in close proximity frm each other)
ahlian number with her ahlian sidekicks dressed in full suits, think puffed sleeve shirts with long shorts like thingy, standing alongside the beach doing practically nth but standing there n like shouting to the fellow ahbengs n one single attention grabbing ahlian tryin ta swim or sth
anyways. attention grabbing ahlian was attention grabbing based on the fact tht she was wearing a white puffed sleeve tshirt, with a black top outside, and a pair of black shorts, and so i was thinking to myself, not hot meh..............
and then time and again i wld try ta revert my attention back to my book.
the aim for tht day was chapter 2.
anyways it din work.
not tht there were gorgeous beings ard for me ta ogle at.
juz tht, ahlians n ahbengs seemed so much more interesting compared to a book densely filled with mini sized words supposedly talking bout nothingness in life.
u see, i live not getting in touch with tht supposed empitiness in me.
so, i guess u can say i hav not been enlightened YET, by josph conrad.
or mayb i choose not ta b overwhelmed by such emptiness n nihilism, juz coz its too depressing for me ta even began thinking too much into life n the whole meaning of it.
i remember how i used ta close my eyes when i was a child, n start thinking bout how n why m i on earth, can i be like living in another dimension in which all tht is happening now is happening after it happens in this dimension.
i know u dun belive how i can thnk so much when i was a kid, compared to how i try not ta use any brain cells when there isnt a need to, even von can see the blankness in my eyes when im walking.
o wells, so my point is.
suntanning n reading aint such a bad idea afterall.
